A lethal combination

I don't know what the hell this blog is supposed to be about (obviously not good grammar), and I don't know what motivates me to post anything.  And yet, here I am.  So, you aren't going to learn anything (cooking, crafts, my secrets for cleaning windows..) useful, and yet, you might.

Where to start.  Four weeks ago something bit me or stung me, not sure which.  The bites looked a bit like mosquito bites, but that had become welts.  Not to be too indelicate about the matter, but three bites were right below my waistline, two right below the elastic on my underwear on the right leg, one on each cheek (yes those cheeks) and one on my left calf.  Damn they itched and I scratched so forcefully that I had bruises.  As time went by, I started itching everywhere except my face and feet.  It got so bad that at night I could not sleep.  I'd spend the days in pretty good shape, get into bed with just a bit of scratchiness like a wool sweater on my skin, but by midnight, I'd have to get out of bed just to SCRATCH.  It was miserable.

I tried everything I could find on line:  apple cider vinegar, cool baths with baking soda, alcohol, alovera gel.  I had gotten so desperate that I was applying our dogs' "HOT SPOT" lotion.  Nothing helped.  Benadryl, calamine lotion, anti-histamines.  I could only sleep after chugging ZZZquil.  

Finally I got so tired of it, I visited the doctor.  I mean why go to see a doctor because you've been bitten and you itch?  Desperation.  I love my doc.  It is like meeting with a friend down the street.  Now I am on prednisone, prescription Claritin and something else to help me sleep.  My liver, kidney and thyroid have been tested, and it appears I have no underlying terrible disease.  I finally got to sleep this weekend and only feel scratchy on the sides of my body, but it is tolerable.  This is not the point of this post, however, just the background.

So, the day I started feeling better, it was like a drug.  Euphoria.  Isn't that bird so beautiful at the window?  Has the weather ever been so perfect?  Why don't I clean all of the windows in the house?  Why don't I replace the automatic switch for the front door light?  I mean it can't be that hard to remove a switch and install a new one.  Can it?  Let me call my sister, Tracy, so that she can assure me I can do it.

Of course.  Just make sure the electricity is turned off.  The worse that can happen is that you will blow a fuse.  

My plan was to look up on line how to install a light switch and then follow the directions.  First mistake was looking up the directions, then turning off the electricity to the light switch, which it turned out, was the same fuse for the computer that had my directions.  After about 30 minutes, that was resolved and equipped with printed instructions, I was prepared to do battle.  I had a new switch, electrical tape, and what I thought was the tool that helps you scrape the plastic stuff off the bare wires.  I consulted my printed directions with illustrations.

PEOPLE, people who write directions on the web!  LISTEN TO ME.  LISTENNNNNNNNN!!  

You cannot start out instructions for installing a light switch by indicating that said light switch has a brass and a silver screw.  How is it that you know this?  Mine had two brass screws.  Also, don't tell me that the black wire is most likely the "hot" one and the white is most likely not.  Mine had no white wire.  Thank god I have great powers of observation and deduction.

After another call to Tracy for assurances I successfully installed the switch (but did not screw it in permanently until I checked for a blown fuse).  This is how the professionals do it.  After sufficiently patting myself on the back, and resisting a prank call back to Tracy from "the emergency room at Northern Virginia Hospital seeking Rebecca's next of kin", I proudly returned to the switch for the final installation.  Only then did I realize that I had installed the switch upside down, and therefore realized that I had deduced which wires went where but backwards.  So I ended up with a correct installation by mistake.

So what is the point of this post?  Post-switch-installation, post-itching euphoria and Amazon.com don't mix.  Who orders a 46 cent white switch cover and has it delivered with Amazon Prime?  I'm ashamed to say, it is I.  I also ordered a new front door knob set, a curved shower curtain rod, a new light for my husband's side of the bed (another post altogether), and what Amazon calls an "add-on"---my 46 cent switch cover, which can be delivered as a part of any $25 or more Amazon Prime delivery at no extra charge.  My god, it IS a beautiful world.